1
00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:06,876
Ah, and that was I Feel Pretty,
2
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,487
underrated Amy Schumer flick.
What did you guys think?
3
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,838
Honestly, I don't know
why I even ask.
4
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,492
Hey, Jay?
5
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:16,364
Check out this cool
Halloween decoration I got.
6
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:20,803
She hath made
the gourd speak!
7
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,370
She is a witch!
8
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,546
No, Patience, it's
motion activated.
9
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:26,678
Battery--
Never mind.
10
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:29,768
Wait, does Patience
not know about Halloween?
11
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:32,902
Oh, she is going to lose
her Satan-hating mind.
12
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,599
Halloween?
13
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,906
It's a holiday:
there's candy, kids dress up.
14
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,908
Women dress down.
It's like Purim, but hornier.
15
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,171
We used to hate Halloween,
but then Sam moved in,
16
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:43,391
started leading a seance every
year, where she brings back
17
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,349
a different dead person
for us to hang out with.
18
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,570
She summons the dead?
19
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,312
I must take leave
from thine evil presence.
20
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,445
Ooh, my bad.
21
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:58,710
So Patience doesn't seem
like a huge fan of Halloween.
22
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,364
Babe, I don't think we should do
Halloween this year.
23
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,540
SAMANTHA and PETE: What?
24
00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:05,065
Three years ago,
our gazebo burned down.
25
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:06,849
Two years ago, you almost died.
26
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,025
Last year, a woman did die.
27
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,548
Talk about a witch.
28
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:11,854
Little ex-wife humor.
29
00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:14,030
And now we got
a Puritan ghost who spurts
30
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:15,988
blood out of the walls
when she's angry.
31
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,555
How do you think she's gonna
react to seeing a bunch
32
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:19,688
of kids dressed up
like demons and zombies?
33
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,559
But, Jay, I love Halloween.
34
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:23,126
Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?
35
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,172
I wanted to wear
my Atari shirt today.
36
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:28,523
Do you know why I'm not wearing
my Atari shirt today, Sam?
37
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,438
'Cause the wall blood
wouldn't come out of it.
38
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:33,310
- The man makes a fair point.
-Fine.
39
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,704
I guess we'll just have the
most boring Halloween ever.
40
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,227
Happy, Jay?
41
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,924
I won't be happy
42
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:41,318
until this Halloween has passed
and no one has died.
43
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,103
Love a man who sets a low bar.
44
00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,539
That's my guy.
45
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,806
This is outrageous!
46
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,764
Someone stop
this maniac!
47
00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:54,679
He has plans to
sell my treasures.
48
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:55,854
What's going on?
49
00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,117
Well, in
lieu of anything
50
00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:58,901
fun this year,
Jay and Samantha
51
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:01,686
are planning
a Halloween yard sale.
52
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,733
Oh, no, if they sell the yard,
where will we chase butterflies?
53
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,779
Oh, yeah, this stuffed raven
should get at least five bucks.
54
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,042
Are you mad?!
55
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,088
We paid six in 1880!
56
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,743
Do you have any idea what
that's worth in today's dollars?
57
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:16,353
That is a genuine question.
58
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:17,572
As a woman,
I wasn't allowed to study math.
59
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:18,964
Attention, everyone.
60
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,619
Patience wishes
to address you all.
61
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,231
You have the floor.
62
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,974
Evil walks among us.
63
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:30,541
The one you call Samantha,
64
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,457
who can summon the dead
and predict the weather.
65
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:34,937
Well, the weather one
is literally
66
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:35,807
just an app on her phone.
67
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:37,244
She must be held to account.
68
00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:40,160
Hence, we will try her
as a witch.
69
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,944
A witch trial.
70
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,467
I mean, how Halloween is that?
71
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,469
Isaac, why are you
encouraging this?
72
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,255
'Cause as an acute observer
of the political winds,
73
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,518
I am trying stay
on her good side.
74
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,041
Obviously, I don't believe
in all of this witch business,
75
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,738
but she's powerful,
she's scary,
76
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,871
and I for one
support her.
77
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,394
What sayeth you all?
78
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,961
Well, we literally have
nothing else to do
79
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:00,310
since Sam and Jay canceled
Halloween.
80
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:01,877
Seems like a
harmless enough diversion.
81
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,966
And I do love
judging people.
82
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,577
Oh,
there's the accused now.
83
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,885
Looking unusually feminine.
84
00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,539
Is that my old dress?
85
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,281
Oh, is it? I found it when we
were clearing out the ballroom.
86
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:16,196
It's kind of Halloween-y.
87
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,763
Unless Jay says something
and then it's just a dress.
88
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,330
Samantha, some news:
89
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:23,420
you are hereby on trial
for witchcraft.
90
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,162
It was Patience's idea and I
for one think it's brilliant.
91
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,033
How dost thou plead?
92
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,513
Oh, Patience.
93
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,515
Things have changed
in the past 400 years.
94
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,082
Instead of turning
on each other,
95
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,171
women should be
lifting each other up.
96
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,521
She speaks
of levitation!
97
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:38,653
She's a witch.
98
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,438
I'm sorry, it's politics.
99
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:42,961
Okay, my point is,
women don't need
100
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:44,572
to tear each other
down anymore.
101
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,227
We are no longer
second-class citizens.
102
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,403
We can do anything
that men can do.
103
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,187
Sam, you said you wanted
a couple guys
104
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,928
to help lift the heavy stuff
for the yard sale?
105
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,713
Yes, thank you, Mark.
106
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,802
But just because
there's a lot of stuff.
107
00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,717
Not because I'm a woman.
108
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,676
Okay.
109
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:05,767
So does an afternoon trial
work for you?
110
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,290
We're pretty open.
111
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:08,552
Yeah, I'm not participating
in this.
112
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,337
Then ye shall be
tried in absentia.
113
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,077
Cool, someone
114
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,166
let me know
if I'm a witch.
115
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,257
I'm going to go say goodbye
to the yard.
116
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:20,564
Hey, Jay?
117
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:21,565
There's another one.
118
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:22,914
Wow, there's so much stuff
119
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,438
in that creepy old ballroom.
120
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:27,789
Where we hosted
presidents and royalty.
121
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:31,227
And ate what we were told was
the last Chinese river dolphin.
122
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,142
Turns out we were
wrong. Swindled.
123
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,709
Some people have
no ethics.
124
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,190
Flower,
what are you doing?
125
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,845
Saying goodbye to individual
blades of grass.
126
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,891
I'll miss you, Larry.
127
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:43,979
Goodbye, Steve.
128
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,197
Hi, babe.
129
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,416
How's the yard
sale going?
130
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,462
Whoa, whoa,
what is all this?
131
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:49,854
Oh, uh, the rake?
132
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,291
I just thought I'd
tidy up out here.
133
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,641
No, no, I mean
the Bridgerton costume.
134
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,860
Which, objectively, wow!
135
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,558
But it's a costume!
136
00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,037
Okay, fine.
137
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,691
So what?
I like Halloween.
138
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,477
We're not having a party,
we're not bringing anyone
139
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:04,826
back from the dead.
140
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,610
Just let us know
if you need help.
141
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,612
So just let me have this.
142
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,267
How much is this
lizard bat thing?
143
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,921
How did that
get out here?
144
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,879
Uh, I'm so sorry.
145
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,838
That's actually
not for sale.
146
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,622
And for the record,
it's called a quasit.
147
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,798
Thank you
for clearing that up, Jay.
148
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,974
Uh, but can I interest you
in, um, I don't know, like,
149
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,019
a mummy-looking thing?
150
00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:25,455
It's just right
over there.
151
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:27,675
That's got to be fake, right?
152
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:30,591
As far as the Egyptian
government is concerned.
153
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,158
Samantha, are you sure
you don't want
154
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,812
to participate
in your witch trial?
155
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,640
I mean, you're kind of the star.
156
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,468
No, Isaac,
the whole thing's a joke.
157
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,991
- What's a joke?
- Patience accused me
158
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,298
of being a witch, so now,
because we canceled Halloween
159
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:43,908
and they have
nothing else to do,
160
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,127
they're hosting a witch trial.
161
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,433
What?
162
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:47,825
Why didn't you
tell me this?
163
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,088
- This is bad.
- It's just dumb ghost stuff.
164
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,786
So, what, they
decide I'm a witch?
165
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:52,700
Then what?
166
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,615
Babe, it's Patience.
167
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,443
Okay? It's not another ghost
like Alberta,
168
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,270
with a lame humming power.
169
00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,707
Watch it.
Or Hetty,
170
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:00,925
who doesn't even have a power.
171
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,840
That we know of!
172
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:05,060
Oh, he is roasting you two.
173
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,149
Okay, Founding Farter.
174
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,280
My point is,
175
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,239
Patience is not
to be trifled with.
176
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,936
And I'll just leave you
with this.
177
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,242
Historically, witch trials?
178
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,374
They don't end well
for the witches.
179
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:15,897
Hmm.
180
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,507
You should really refer
to her as "the accused."
181
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:20,336
I mean, it's not looking good,
but still.
182
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,252
No!
183
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,601
You stepped on Derrick!
184
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,342
Murderer!
185
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,474
Oh, Mrs. Farnsby, hi.
186
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,345
Hey, Sam, could
you tell me more
187
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,695
about this beautiful antique
table you've got over here?
188
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,610
Do you think it could support
two or more adults?
189
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:36,570
Ooh, those swingers are
gonna do it on that table.
190
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,267
Ha!
191
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,704
And lastly,
what about her ability
192
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,663
to speaketh to all of ye?
193
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,491
She walketh amongst the living,
194
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,536
yet speaketh to the dead?
195
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:47,581
She's making some good points.
196
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,713
And, also, the toast thing,
197
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:52,716
where she warmeth the bread
with the devil's tongue?
198
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:55,371
Although some arguments
are stronger than others.
199
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,591
Okay, first of all, that was
a great closing statement.
200
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,157
I began the day
a skeptic,
201
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:01,072
but after that
eloquent summary,
202
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,900
I'm voting witch.
203
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:05,120
- What say the rest of ye?
-Obviously,
204
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:06,338
Sam is not a witch.
205
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,036
- Not guilty.
-Well,
206
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,516
she did cancel
Halloween
207
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,734
and didn't bring
back the hot maid.
208
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,257
So I'm gonna
go witch.
209
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,781
She's selling
my penguin leashes.
210
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:14,999
She's a witch.
211
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,087
I just don't think
212
00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:18,133
Sam killed
that vagrant.
213
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,351
The issue is whether
or not Sam is a witch.
214
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,570
Oh!
215
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:23,094
Well, then, yeah,
she's probably a witch.
216
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:24,792
Oh, this is crazy, that woman
buys my Momoa magazines.
217
00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,097
Not guilty.
218
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,751
Fun fact.
219
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,014
Vikings believed in witches,
we called them "volva."
220
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,494
Who is that fun for?
221
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,714
Guess not people who
wear small ugly hats.
222
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:36,325
- We need an answer.
-Fine.
223
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,502
Sam volva,
Sam... volva.
224
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,765
There we have it.
The group has spoken.
225
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,420
Sam is a witch,
and, Patience, once again,
226
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,727
thank you
for a delightful diversion,
227
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,250
This was fun.
228
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,122
She hath been convicted,
now for the punishment.
229
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,342
Oh, okay.
230
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,039
- There's a part two.
- For the crime
231
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:58,565
of witchcraft,
Samantha is hereby sentenced...
232
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,392
to petrification.
233
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:03,004
She shall be turned to stone.
234
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:05,180
Well, I guess Jay
better get used
235
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,182
to some stiff conversations.
236
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:10,794
Why dost thou chortle
- at Patience?
-Oh, sorry.
237
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,535
Sorry,
we shouldn't have laughed.
238
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,537
Also, we shouldn't have
taken Sam for granite.
239
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,801
- Hey-oh!
-Laugh.
240
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,194
But ye will see.
241
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,457
Her flesh and bone will harden
242
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,025
with the swift judgement
from above.
243
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,722
- Isn't bone already hard?
- Silence!
244
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:27,724
I am so sorry about them.
245
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:30,771
Bone is soft
if you say it is.
246
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,296
Sam? Sam?
247
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:35,776
Where-- Hey, Mark.
248
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:37,125
Have you seen Sam?
249
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,518
She was just here.
250
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:39,519
Hey, how much for
this dragon trophy?
251
00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,608
How did that--
That's not for sale.
252
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,481
Uh, guys?
253
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:48,005
Does that statue
look like Sam to you?
254
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:49,267
That's funny.
255
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:50,225
I guess
it kind of does.
256
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,009
Wait.
257
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,402
The dress.
258
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,708
The Bridgerton hair.
259
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,536
That's the rake
she was holding.
260
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,626
Oh, my God.
261
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:02,629
Patience turned Sam into stone.
262
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,413
What the hell
is a penguin leash?
263
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,763
Hey, Jay,
is this made for penguins
264
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:07,895
or made out of penguins?
265
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,506
Both. Now put that down.
266
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,773
Are you sure you've never
seen this statue before?
267
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:20,211
I have never seen this thing
in my life or since.
268
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:21,952
Okay, we just got
to talk to Patience.
269
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,650
Maybe she can undo it.
270
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:29,351
If you can hear me, Sam...
271
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,571
I voted not guilty.
272
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:36,184
Patience, this is insane.
273
00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:37,881
You have to turn Sam back.
274
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,971
Patience more powerful
than Thor ever imagine.
275
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,626
Man, have I hitched
my wagon to the right pony.
276
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,541
Of course I will miss
Flesh Samantha,
277
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,412
as she will heretofore
be known.
278
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:48,631
Come on, Patience!
279
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,154
- Is there a way to fix Sam?
- There is.
280
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,200
But she was convicted.
This is your doing.
281
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,071
Well, we didn't know
it was real.
282
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,899
We thought it was a joke,
like where does the general hide
283
00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:58,119
his armies? In his sleevies!
That kind of thing!
284
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:01,122
Who's chortling now?
285
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:04,647
Not me,
for laughter is forbidden.
286
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,563
Mm...
287
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,653
Uh, guys.
288
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:11,959
Jay is selling Sam.
289
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,787
What?
That not good.
290
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,571
Trevor, you text Jay
from the iPad.
291
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,400
We'll go outside and
yell at Jay impotently.
292
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:19,531
- Yeah.
- Oh.
293
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,143
I'll give you six bucks for it.
294
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,100
Ugh.
295
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,798
I don't know, man.
296
00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,408
Okay, Jay may not know
that's the love of his life,
297
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,844
but he must know that stone's
worth way more than...
298
00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:29,237
- Seven bucks.
- Sold.
299
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:30,630
Oh, come on!
Oh...
300
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,196
Someone do something.
301
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:35,852
Perhaps finally, in this
most urgent moment of need,
302
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,725
my heretofore dormant
ghost power will emerge.
303
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,383
You still got nothing.
304
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,342
Like your humming thing's
so cool.
305
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,083
Goodbye, Samantha.
306
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:50,432
Enjoy new home.
Oh!
307
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:51,999
Get in there.
308
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,870
This is insane!
Sam, we're trying to help!
309
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,046
No! That's her head.
310
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,700
- I'll see you.
-Oh!
311
00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:00,007
What the...?
312
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,095
Trevor.
Oh.
313
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:02,792
"The statue is Sam."
314
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,228
What does that even mean?
315
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,100
Oh, come on.
316
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,102
I'll give chase.
317
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,887
'Cause I can leave
the property.
Not now, Peter!
318
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,542
"Patience turn to stone"
with a witch emoji?
319
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,804
Ooh, nice touch.
320
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:16,066
Oh, my God!
321
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,415
I sold my wife!
322
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,852
Yes!
Get him!
Go!
323
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,421
My eyes!
324
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:25,249
The devil box
is alight.
325
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,643
Yes, yes. Sometimes,
they leave it on for us.
326
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,732
I don't usuallypartake.
327
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:31,342
Oh, but this is
a good episode.
328
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,692
Kaylee L. confronts Veronica
329
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,129
for blowing up
her co-listing in Laguna.
330
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:38,219
Well, we must depart forthwith,
lest we be corrupted.
331
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,786
Absolutely.
332
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,701
Or we stay here
333
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:43,790
and bear witness
to the sin,
334
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,443
so that we may...
335
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,271
warn others
and stuff.
336
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:49,273
Hmm...
337
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,930
And is she Kaylee L.?
338
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,368
Yes, and keep an eye
on her mojito
339
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,805
because--
little hint--
340
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:00,720
Veronica will soon
be wearing it.
341
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,547
Oh, and that's not all.
342
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,072
You will not believe who shows
up to the twilight open house.
343
00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:07,683
Is it the devil?[gasps] Kind of.
344
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,641
It's Kaylee's ex, Fletcher.
345
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:10,904
Oh.
346
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,955
- To bear witness.
- To bear witness.
347
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,219
So this man bought
your statue and...
348
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,134
I'm sorry, what do you
want us to do?
349
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,354
I just need to get it back,
and I need his home address.
350
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,269
Now, I know you guys
run plates,
351
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,923
I watch TV.
352
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:33,143
Right... but we only do that
when there's a crime.
353
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:34,623
'Cause we're
the police.
354
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,277
Okay, Jay's
getting nowhere.
355
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,627
- Oh!
- Pete, what happened?
356
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:39,976
He got on the highway,
and I lost him.
357
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,499
Oh.
Oh.
I don't know
if it's helpful,
358
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,153
but there was a bumper sticker.
359
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,982
It said,
"Captain Kaboom period com."
360
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,332
Wait, Captain Kaboom dot com?
361
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:49,899
What does
that mean?
362
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,379
It's a website,
it's the internet.
363
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:52,815
That's
the internet?
364
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,643
What's the thing
with the cat videos?
365
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,819
Everyone just
hang on. Watch.
366
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,433
This feels like
a stalker situation.
367
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,000
Sir, be honest.
368
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,002
Did this individual
break your heart?
369
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,352
What? No.
I just want my statue back.
370
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:10,702
What is this?
371
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,140
Ahoy. I'm Captain Kaboom.
372
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:14,968
Welcome to Kaboom World.
373
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,796
Today, we're gonna see
what happens
374
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,799
when you put an M-80
inside an old microwave.
375
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,671
Surely, he knows
what will happen.
376
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:26,240
- Kaboom.
-[laughs] Was amazing!
377
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,851
Ugh, back in my day, there was
a guy who used to blow stuff up.
378
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,635
His name was LBJ.
379
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,160
But then we got high, and saw
a bunch of bands play on a farm,
380
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,770
and I think that helped.
381
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:37,817
Oh, no. I think I know why
this man bought that statue.
382
00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:40,471
Oh, my God.
383
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,343
He's gonna blow up Sam.
384
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,257
Samantha.
385
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,652
Click on
- bowling ball video.
- Thor.
386
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,311
Okay, fine, what if I were
to say that the statue
387
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,443
is really a person,
388
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,097
and that person
389
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,446
is my wife?
390
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,100
Well, in that case,
391
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,797
we'd probably contact
mental health services.
392
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:04,887
Okay, so then
I'm not saying that.
393
00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,367
Good day, sir.
394
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,197
What?
395
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,981
Ooh, now he just has
to click on the link.
396
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,809
A text
from my iPad?
397
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,247
Trevor, did you send me this?
I don't have time
398
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,119
to watch a vid...
399
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,251
Wait. That's the guy
I sold the statue to.
400
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:22,992
Yeah.
Watch watermelon one.
401
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,559
So good.
Shh.
402
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:25,995
Hey, there, Kaboom Fam.
403
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:27,649
Got something really special
in today.
404
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,607
You've been asking
for limestone,
405
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:32,219
I'm giving you limestone.
406
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,134
Ah! That's the Sam statue.
407
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:35,570
- Yes!
- Yes!
408
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,225
At 1700 hours today,
this thing's going...
409
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,879
kaboom.
410
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,532
Don't forget to like
and subscribe.
411
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,012
I know that house.
412
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,448
How do I know that house?
413
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:45,797
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
414
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,930
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
415
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,845
That's to zoom in.
Dot com.
Wait.
416
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,325
Is that a Sonic sign?
417
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,935
Ooh!
Ooh, it's ironic.
418
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,981
Samantha's always saying
that Sonic is gonna kill Jay,
419
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,157
but it may just be
the thing that saves her.
420
00:14:57,331 --> 00:15:00,943
Ironic Sonic. I think that was
a band that I dated back in '67.
421
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,163
I know where this is.
Pete, let's ride.
422
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,992
Because I can.
423
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,254
Shut up, Pete.
Go!
424
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:08,168
And go save our girl!
425
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,647
Okay!
426
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,478
So you want the statue back?
427
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:15,827
Yeah, I wasn't
supposed to sell it.
428
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:18,482
It got put out
by accident, and...
429
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,528
my wife is really
attached to it.
430
00:15:20,615 --> 00:15:21,877
Sorry, man.
431
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,184
I got big plans for that thing.
432
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:26,664
Pete Martino.
Non-geographically bound ghost.
433
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,623
Sergeant John Duffy.
Retired.
434
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:29,841
Served two tours in 'nam.
435
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,583
Moved upstate
for some peace and quiet.
436
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:36,283
40 years later, I'm dead,
and this little maniac moves in.
437
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,633
Come on, man. Give me a number.
438
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:39,895
How much do you want for it?
439
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,244
It's not
about the money.
440
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,551
It's about the boom, bro.
441
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,161
Got to give the people
what they want.
442
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,468
It's just-- This statue
means a lot to me.
443
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,035
I really need it back.
444
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,254
- His wife is the statue.
- Damn straight.
445
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,648
I fought for this man's right
to marry a statue.
446
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,302
I'll tell you what,
447
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,565
you give me
that weird monster thing
448
00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:58,870
I was looking at
earlier,
449
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,351
and I'll give you
your statue back.
450
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,223
The quasit?
451
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:04,659
Jay, are we really driving
a hard bargain here?
452
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:07,140
Fine. Deal. But can I take
the statue now?
453
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:08,880
I promise I'll come back
with the quasit.
454
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,100
Sure, man. I trust you.
455
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,797
Plus, I know
where you live,
456
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,278
and I have a lot of dynamite.
457
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:19,848
Guys!
458
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,328
We're back.
459
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,807
We got the Sam statue.
460
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,026
Ghosts, if you're here,
461
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,723
get the Puritan
462
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,508
to undo
the stone thing.
463
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,771
And please hurry. This morning,
I was yelling at her
464
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,338
about wearing
a Halloween costume.
465
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,993
I don't want that to be
the last conversation we had.
466
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,256
Patience,
you turn Stone Sam back
467
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,475
into regular Sam
right now, or else.
468
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,086
'Twas not me
who made her thus.
469
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:42,218
All of ye
convicted her.
470
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:43,872
Patience, I am going
to say something to you
471
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,135
that I have only ever told
two other people in my life,
472
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:49,443
both of whom I wished
to procure me cocaine:
473
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:50,748
please.
474
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,359
The Lord's judgement
is final.
475
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,187
Once one strayeth
from the path
476
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,971
of piety,
one is lost.
477
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,888
It's so interesting
you say that, Patience,
478
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,977
because, earlier,
I believe
479
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,979
you did a bit of
path-straying yourself.
480
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,373
I know not
of what you speak.
481
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,811
Oh, you don't want me
to speak of Laguna.
482
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,378
I was bearing witness.
483
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:12,988
You said you would never tell.
484
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,163
What's going on here?
485
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:15,599
I will tell them
everything,
486
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:16,948
including how
you moved your body
487
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,342
to that diabetes
medicine commercial.
488
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,217
Fine.
489
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,262
So you'll
turn her back?
490
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,786
The power rests not with me.
It rests with ye.
491
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:29,787
If you wish
to reverse
492
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:32,181
the sentence,
simply vote again,
493
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,530
and find Samantha
innocent.
494
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:36,142
Oh, yay!
495
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,100
It's gonna be okay, man.
496
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,841
Flower, no!
497
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,322
Whoa...
498
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:44,324
Oh, he's high.
499
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,762
No!
500
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,198
Ah!
501
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:52,984
Sam! Sam!
502
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,682
What?
503
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,162
What are you guys doing?
504
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,599
Oh, my God, you're okay.
505
00:17:58,729 --> 00:17:59,730
We thought
you were stone,
506
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,123
and then
Jay sold you.
507
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,385
And
then the Kaboom man
508
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,039
was gonna
blow you up.
509
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,868
There really cool watermelon
video you need to see.
510
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,827
- Of course I'm okay.
- But what happened?
Where have you been?
511
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,525
I sold Mrs. Farnsby a desk,
512
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:14,093
and I was helping her
take it over to their place.
513
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,877
At first,
she wanted it in the study
514
00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:17,444
and then in
the living room and...
515
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:18,967
then she made me
put it in a room
516
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,055
that I don't want to talk about.
517
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,013
But the statue was
holding the rake.
518
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,798
What? No. I just
519
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,887
leaned the rake against
the statue before I left.
520
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,281
We thought Patience
turned you to stone
521
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,152
after the ghosts convicted you
at the witch trial.
522
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,111
You guys convicted me?
523
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,025
Well, we were mad
about Halloween.
524
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,419
I urged you to testify
on your behalf.
525
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,378
I told them you
didn't kill that vagrant.
526
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,554
Wait, well, where did
the statue come from?
527
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,686
Hetty said she
didn't recognize it.
528
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,384
It was in a crate
in the ballroom.
529
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,039
Ah. I guess that is possible.
We were so rich.
530
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,650
Sometimes, we would just
buy things at auction
531
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:51,782
'cause we liked waving
the little paddle.
532
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,611
Well, Patience, I guess your
spell didn't work after all.
533
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,657
No matter.
I've still got the blood thing.
534
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,049
Why don't you go hum about it?
535
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:02,402
- That was devastating insult.
- All right.
536
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:05,013
Everyone just needs to back off.
It's a good power.
537
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,711
- I think it's a neat power.
- I swear to God, Pete.
538
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,023
Aw, so you traded
your weird monster statue
539
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,590
so this guy
wouldn't blow me up?
540
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,766
- Of course I did.
- And he did not hesitate.
541
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,420
He agreed to it like that.
542
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,073
And we definitely didn't stop
at Sonic on the way home.
543
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,727
- Too much detail, Pete.
-Sam,
544
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:26,034
I thought
I lost you,
545
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,906
and it was the worst
feeling in the world.
546
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,647
I'm so sorry
that I yelled at you
547
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,258
for wanting to
celebrate Halloween.
548
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,390
I love that you're excited
about that stuff,
549
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:37,219
and I love that you
decorate our mantel
550
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,221
for different seasons
and holidays.
551
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,789
It's like we live in a
Starbucks. In a good way.
552
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:43,399
Aw, Jay.
553
00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:45,880
Is touching.
554
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,274
Small Man sure to reap
many benefits,
555
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,580
sexually,
from those kind words.
556
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:51,929
Everyone,
557
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,975
Patience hath arrived
at a decision.
558
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,846
After much praying,
559
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,718
it has become clear that
560
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,198
I need to return to the dirt.
561
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,853
Girl, what?
No.
Oh, no. Why?
562
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:04,681
You just got here.
563
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,683
Patience is returning
to the dirt.
564
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:07,597
Hell yeah!
565
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,251
I don't care.
566
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:11,166
She tried to turn
you into stone,
567
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,516
and she cost me
my quasit.
568
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,692
I was tested, and I failed.
569
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:18,869
The aboveground world
has far too much temptation.
570
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,916
'Tis not a place for the pious.
571
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:24,135
Well, as I said,
women should support women,
572
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,399
so I fully support
your decision to leave
573
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,488
and possibly
never come back.
574
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,141
It was
good to know you.
575
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,666
Now, I must return
to the others.
576
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:36,452
I'm sorry,
did she say "others"?
577
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:37,932
That not good.
578
00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:39,281
Oh, I don't like that at all.
579
00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:47,898
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
580
00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:50,988
and TOYOTA.
581
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:54,383
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org